As you may already know, I'm a big fan of asking questions that have no answers. No real true hard fact answers, which makes thinking about those questions and talking about those questions all the more fun... Fun being a relative term I suppose...
There are those questions of "Why did my Dad have to leave us so soon?' that will never ever be answered in this life. And that, to me, is alright. I don't question God's plan at that level. I mean I believe that everything and anything that happens was ultimately God's plan in the first place but there are levels where we can question our own actions and wonder if God really truly planned for us to act like a ridiculous fool, or if the outcome that occurred was just simply the plan He had for us. My guess is that the outcome of God's plan in taking my father so early is not one to question... after all, God gave me 28 wonderful fantastic and most likely the best years of my life as years in which my father was next to me. So I can't be selfish and expect the best times of my life to continue to bleed into every single day... can I? No.
But... I certainly can question the moments where I act, in my opinion, not in typical Leslie fashion. I can most certainly question "Why do I do that?" I guess the answer would be easier if 1.) I just simply said it was God's plan and shrug my shoulders and move on or 2.) completely understood myself enough to know exactly why I do and say things at the exact time in which I do and say them. And obviously since neither are true in my case... I need something in between to explain my behavior. Because contrary to possible thought, I do care about my behavior. And how others see me.
I have learned much about myself after my Dad passed away... I realized that life is so precious and possibly so incredibly short. I now find it absolutely necessary to tell people what I think about them, because what happens if tomorrow I wouldn't be able to? I'm not talking about being rude and saying I don't like your hair... I mean positive, real, raw, untainted by the 'thinking too much about the thought of making that thought sound perfect' that often can ruin many of our interactions in the first place! However, I fear I do taint situations now, more than ever before... simply by trying to be real. I thank people a lot... because I mean it. I am thanking you because you did or said something that made me smile or feel better and you should know that about what you did for me. If I meet someone who I find interesting... I tell them. Because if I don't wake up tomorrow, at least I will know that I told them how much I found them interesting. Is that so bad? I don't know...
Quick story... a true one. Summer of '07, Laura and I are in Cancun. We meet these guys from Phoenix who were all just awesome, almost too good to be true types. They took us out with them, treated us like Queens, and were extremely well spoken and cultured. We immediately realized that real mean still did exist and we shouldn't give up all hope. The guy I hit it off with was named Nick. We only hung out that one night but he was seriously someone I will remember for the rest of my life. Before we left we exchanged numbers and email addresses. When I got home, I sent him an email saying how much I appreciated everything he did for me and my sister that night. Only 6 months or so after we lost my Dad, he came around and restored my faith in many things. Funny how one person can really do that. I told him all this, but of course in my typical wordiness. After I clicked Send, I reread that email and was seriously embarrassed for myself. But he wrote back with a very nice thank you reply. Over Snowpocalypse 2010, I was snowed in and randomly searching people on Facebook. I searched for Nick. A page came up with his name... it was a memorial page. He had died in a plane crash less than a year after we met. I don't know if it really meant anything to him or not, but I'm sure as hell glad I made a fool out of myself to send that rather ridiculous email. Now I know I said all I could possibly have said to him while he was here to read it.
However, this type of behavior has probably caused me more stress than it should. Have we all become so foreign to the concept that we all still really do have feelings? That simply because our main form of communication anymore is via some sort of a screen, that it means we don't feel through that screen?
Sometimes I think we do... we become guilty almost for telling someone how we feel. Like we shouldn't have let that much of ourselves out so quickly... or at all. They will think differently of me now, they will treat me differently now... But is that so bad? Sometimes I wonder why I do things or say things to certain people. Almost to the point of me looking at myself from outside myself and being like 'Really Les? Because now you look ridiculous...' And I know sometimes I do look incredibly foolish... but other times, I think 'Do I really?' Or is it just that I'm willing to say something before I may never get the chance to again. Is that the reason why I am a reckless abandon sometimes? I don't know... Sometimes I do wish I would have just shut the hell up for a minute.
We all have those types of regret I think... and wishing you did NOT say something is just as easy to regret as saying NOTHING at all. However, if I said it then part of me meant it, right? I might not know what part of me meant it, but if it came from me then I would have to trust that somewhere inside I was supposed to do or say those things. Which I guess makes them very much actions that are in typical Leslie fashion after all. But why? I have no idea... probably never will. And I'm OK with that.
And so it goes...
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
2010 Thankful List
In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to make a list of things that I am thankful for this past year... It's been a rather odd year for me and I owe many thanks to many situations, people and moments. So here are a few that I want to remember during this year of change and stagnation ... in no particular order (except number 1, because number 1 should always be number 1):
1. My sister - who graciously and patiently reminds me everyday of the person I am, have been and want to be one day.
2. Starbucks - for the unemployed person, afternoons of drinking tea and reading a book can actually make one rather happy to not have a job.
3. Hockey games - knowing there will always be a game on every few days is a sense of normalcy or routine that I quite welcome.
4. Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" - after reading it this summer, I discovered my ultimate respect for people who stick to their convictions no matter what. And also that my answer to the question of 'What fictional character would you want to be?' is no longer Hermione Granger but is now Dominique Francon.
5. Duct tape and my baton - because this is the apparatus I use to kill the bloody stink bugs that I despise more than I can describe in words.
6. My other single girl friends - for understanding without having to say anything.
7. The travel that I was able to do this year - In 2010, I was able to visit and spend time in Chicago, Raleigh, Boston, Toronto, New York City and Philadelphia.
8. My mother - who seems to become more intelligent and more loving every day... and for cutting carrots for me every week, even though she has Carpel Tunnel and having surgery next week.
9. Southern Tier Pumking - favorite beer ever... always look forward to its arrival and then somehow do not mind when it is finally gone.
10. My guy friends - there are a few who I really leaned on this summer to be there for me when I needed advice, opinions, or just to listen to me go on and on and on...
11. Ki - Japanese Restaurant in Toronto where I had, hands down, the best meal and dining experience to date.
12. The upgrade on my aircard line - for when my laptop died a few weeks ago, I was able to get a Netbook for $30, and for an unemployed person, that is something for which to be extremely thankful.
13. My long distance connections - whether I know them very well or just a little, the people I keep in touch with who are miles away somehow make me feel as though they are right here, and I value that very much.
14. My mom's friend Tom - because I honestly don't know what our small family would do without him, I really don't.
15. My new hair stylist - for allowing me to, slowly, get back to natural.
16. My new black puffy coat - best way to usher in the seasons is with new accessories, bring on the snow already (and kill the bloody stink bugs too, please.)
17. Wine Nights with Brooke - wine in sweats with someone who just gets it, I am so grateful.
18. The days of solitude I have had the last 9 months - something strange to be thankful for, but I may never get another chance to spend the majority of my days completely in my head... thinking and analyzing.
19. The people I still talk to from VZW - reminds me of what I really miss from that time in my life.
20. Sweet potatoes - I've developed a slight obsession.
21. Attractive men with longer hair, beards and scruff - just because I'm pretty certain that is the sexiest thing ever and I'm just thankful those men still exist and I get to look at them.
22. Sunday Funday's this fall - seeing my elderly friends at 10:30 mass, then seeing my girls over beers, and meeting interesting new people.... best thing is when I actually remember it all the next day.
23. The memories of my Dad - for I can still hear his words of wisdom and love, and they have gotten me through times this year in which I wasn't sure where I would turn next.
24. Music - listening to music is my personal runner's high.
25. The violets on my coffee table - the only plants I have been able to keep alive longer than 2 weeks, I've had for over a year, and they remind me that life is about constant change and growth.
I know there are more, many more... but for now, I believe that will do.
And so it goes...
1. My sister - who graciously and patiently reminds me everyday of the person I am, have been and want to be one day.
2. Starbucks - for the unemployed person, afternoons of drinking tea and reading a book can actually make one rather happy to not have a job.
3. Hockey games - knowing there will always be a game on every few days is a sense of normalcy or routine that I quite welcome.
4. Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" - after reading it this summer, I discovered my ultimate respect for people who stick to their convictions no matter what. And also that my answer to the question of 'What fictional character would you want to be?' is no longer Hermione Granger but is now Dominique Francon.
5. Duct tape and my baton - because this is the apparatus I use to kill the bloody stink bugs that I despise more than I can describe in words.
6. My other single girl friends - for understanding without having to say anything.
7. The travel that I was able to do this year - In 2010, I was able to visit and spend time in Chicago, Raleigh, Boston, Toronto, New York City and Philadelphia.
8. My mother - who seems to become more intelligent and more loving every day... and for cutting carrots for me every week, even though she has Carpel Tunnel and having surgery next week.
9. Southern Tier Pumking - favorite beer ever... always look forward to its arrival and then somehow do not mind when it is finally gone.
10. My guy friends - there are a few who I really leaned on this summer to be there for me when I needed advice, opinions, or just to listen to me go on and on and on...
11. Ki - Japanese Restaurant in Toronto where I had, hands down, the best meal and dining experience to date.
12. The upgrade on my aircard line - for when my laptop died a few weeks ago, I was able to get a Netbook for $30, and for an unemployed person, that is something for which to be extremely thankful.
13. My long distance connections - whether I know them very well or just a little, the people I keep in touch with who are miles away somehow make me feel as though they are right here, and I value that very much.
14. My mom's friend Tom - because I honestly don't know what our small family would do without him, I really don't.
15. My new hair stylist - for allowing me to, slowly, get back to natural.
16. My new black puffy coat - best way to usher in the seasons is with new accessories, bring on the snow already (and kill the bloody stink bugs too, please.)
17. Wine Nights with Brooke - wine in sweats with someone who just gets it, I am so grateful.
18. The days of solitude I have had the last 9 months - something strange to be thankful for, but I may never get another chance to spend the majority of my days completely in my head... thinking and analyzing.
19. The people I still talk to from VZW - reminds me of what I really miss from that time in my life.
20. Sweet potatoes - I've developed a slight obsession.
21. Attractive men with longer hair, beards and scruff - just because I'm pretty certain that is the sexiest thing ever and I'm just thankful those men still exist and I get to look at them.
22. Sunday Funday's this fall - seeing my elderly friends at 10:30 mass, then seeing my girls over beers, and meeting interesting new people.... best thing is when I actually remember it all the next day.
23. The memories of my Dad - for I can still hear his words of wisdom and love, and they have gotten me through times this year in which I wasn't sure where I would turn next.
24. Music - listening to music is my personal runner's high.
25. The violets on my coffee table - the only plants I have been able to keep alive longer than 2 weeks, I've had for over a year, and they remind me that life is about constant change and growth.
I know there are more, many more... but for now, I believe that will do.
And so it goes...
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Sundays...
This post is not about what I learned during Unemployment.... that post will come eventually. But not yet.
This one is in fact about what I did today and what I have done in a number of previous Sunday's ~ and that is simply enjoy my time. After I go to mass and visit with my mother, I do nothing except have beers with my girlfriends and whomever else happens to be there at that point in time, and we pretend we care about the football game or sit and ignore what is on tv, and discuss... what happened that week in our lives, what did we do , who did we meet, who did we talk to, what shouldn't we have done, what did we wish we could have done, what does it all mean, or nothing at all whatsoever... quite obviously over a few beers, the conversations get better and better. But what makes these Sunday's so Fun is that we are all there because we simply choose to be. And gratefully, we all can. But again, I believe that's because we have chosen to be.
I know there could be a time in my life where I might not be able to have these days... so godamit while I can, I am going to absolutely love them and talk about them till I'm sick of hearing myself. Having no one to answer to, in any form, and being able to go and meet your friends and talk... and meet new people and talk... or just be inside your head and think of the past and the present... without once feeling guilty or like you're neglecting something else, is such a wonderful, liberating, and accomplished feeling.
Accomplished? Really? Yes, I'm 32 years old with no job, no husband, no children, no serious boyfriend... I don't even have a pet. Many people could very well view someone like me as a total failure in life thus far. I'm practically George Costanza for crying out loud. I, however, think very, very differently. I, in no uncertain terms, love love love my life right now, just as it is. I have a very hefty sense of self worth and believe that my path has been created for me from above and all I need to do is trust in that. It will continue to be amazing and wonderful because of the choices I make... But, at the same time, there are moments when I wonder.... I have weak moments like anyone else where I find myself coveting briefly. However, I know I'm not supposed to have that or be that or even want that... whatever that happens to be.
I know I could have been married... I probably could have had children. But I knew it wasn't right for me then, with those people, in those circumstances. I believe I personally do things on my own time anyway and simply because it's what everyone else is doing is certainly not good enough for me to do it. In fact, 'because that's what you're supposed to do' would probably be the reason why I wouldn't do it in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to prove anything. Or to justify or explain anything, either to you or me. I am saying however, that spending Sunday afternoon's having beers with people I find interesting is something I'm so grateful to have and will continue to appreciate while they are still occurring. Life is crazy and could absolutely turn upside down tomorrow... due to any number of reasons... and I will turn with it. It has led me here after all.... and for that I am so grateful.
Do I think of the past and the people in it? Yes, I do, everyday. There are people from high school that I think of everyday, people from college that I think of everyday, a certain person from Las Vegas that I foolishly think of almost everyday... and I find myself wondering what I would be like if those people had taken a more significant role in my life at that time. I wonder what my Sunday's would have been filled with if they had been a part of them... There is never an answer, as there rightfully wouldn't be. I don't know what would have happened, so it's silly for me to sit here and let those thoughts take over... As the wise and ever-comforting Dumbledore once told Harry Potter, "It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live." So I don't dwell... but I do think. And because I think, I believe that is how I live.
And I have learned that the past is simply that - the past. I can't change it or mold it to anything different than what it was. So I sit here today and take everything I can from those people and those memories and those times and put that energy into today. I hear them, I see them, I know they are all a part of me. What creates me and my heavy sense of worth? Everyone that has ever touched me and affected me in some way... You have contributed to this creature that stands here... maybe she is unclear as to where she is going but she sure as hell knows where she has been. Maybe that sounds cliche... but few can actually say that and truly mean it. They see their lives drawn out for them, like a blueprint of a building and they need to follow step by step in order for all to remain standing sturdy and strong. I have no blueprint... good thing too, those things never made any sense to me.
The reasons why I love my life are not because it's simply mine, in the most complete sense of the word 'mine'. No. It's more than that... It's making sure that while I'm 'in' a phase of life, that I acknowledge it. That I appreciate it for all it has to offer and teach and show me. Knowing the full while that this time will pass, much like all other times have passed. So whether it is a good time or a bad time, a gain, a loss, the worst loss imaginable, or the most euphoric feeling ever, I must recognize that I'm in it but it will eventually lead into something else... so I will continue to learn the hell out of every moment I can. The ones I can remember anyway... especially on late Sunday evenings...
And so it goes...
This one is in fact about what I did today and what I have done in a number of previous Sunday's ~ and that is simply enjoy my time. After I go to mass and visit with my mother, I do nothing except have beers with my girlfriends and whomever else happens to be there at that point in time, and we pretend we care about the football game or sit and ignore what is on tv, and discuss... what happened that week in our lives, what did we do , who did we meet, who did we talk to, what shouldn't we have done, what did we wish we could have done, what does it all mean, or nothing at all whatsoever... quite obviously over a few beers, the conversations get better and better. But what makes these Sunday's so Fun is that we are all there because we simply choose to be. And gratefully, we all can. But again, I believe that's because we have chosen to be.
I know there could be a time in my life where I might not be able to have these days... so godamit while I can, I am going to absolutely love them and talk about them till I'm sick of hearing myself. Having no one to answer to, in any form, and being able to go and meet your friends and talk... and meet new people and talk... or just be inside your head and think of the past and the present... without once feeling guilty or like you're neglecting something else, is such a wonderful, liberating, and accomplished feeling.
Accomplished? Really? Yes, I'm 32 years old with no job, no husband, no children, no serious boyfriend... I don't even have a pet. Many people could very well view someone like me as a total failure in life thus far. I'm practically George Costanza for crying out loud. I, however, think very, very differently. I, in no uncertain terms, love love love my life right now, just as it is. I have a very hefty sense of self worth and believe that my path has been created for me from above and all I need to do is trust in that. It will continue to be amazing and wonderful because of the choices I make... But, at the same time, there are moments when I wonder.... I have weak moments like anyone else where I find myself coveting briefly. However, I know I'm not supposed to have that or be that or even want that... whatever that happens to be.
I know I could have been married... I probably could have had children. But I knew it wasn't right for me then, with those people, in those circumstances. I believe I personally do things on my own time anyway and simply because it's what everyone else is doing is certainly not good enough for me to do it. In fact, 'because that's what you're supposed to do' would probably be the reason why I wouldn't do it in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to prove anything. Or to justify or explain anything, either to you or me. I am saying however, that spending Sunday afternoon's having beers with people I find interesting is something I'm so grateful to have and will continue to appreciate while they are still occurring. Life is crazy and could absolutely turn upside down tomorrow... due to any number of reasons... and I will turn with it. It has led me here after all.... and for that I am so grateful.
Do I think of the past and the people in it? Yes, I do, everyday. There are people from high school that I think of everyday, people from college that I think of everyday, a certain person from Las Vegas that I foolishly think of almost everyday... and I find myself wondering what I would be like if those people had taken a more significant role in my life at that time. I wonder what my Sunday's would have been filled with if they had been a part of them... There is never an answer, as there rightfully wouldn't be. I don't know what would have happened, so it's silly for me to sit here and let those thoughts take over... As the wise and ever-comforting Dumbledore once told Harry Potter, "It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live." So I don't dwell... but I do think. And because I think, I believe that is how I live.
And I have learned that the past is simply that - the past. I can't change it or mold it to anything different than what it was. So I sit here today and take everything I can from those people and those memories and those times and put that energy into today. I hear them, I see them, I know they are all a part of me. What creates me and my heavy sense of worth? Everyone that has ever touched me and affected me in some way... You have contributed to this creature that stands here... maybe she is unclear as to where she is going but she sure as hell knows where she has been. Maybe that sounds cliche... but few can actually say that and truly mean it. They see their lives drawn out for them, like a blueprint of a building and they need to follow step by step in order for all to remain standing sturdy and strong. I have no blueprint... good thing too, those things never made any sense to me.
The reasons why I love my life are not because it's simply mine, in the most complete sense of the word 'mine'. No. It's more than that... It's making sure that while I'm 'in' a phase of life, that I acknowledge it. That I appreciate it for all it has to offer and teach and show me. Knowing the full while that this time will pass, much like all other times have passed. So whether it is a good time or a bad time, a gain, a loss, the worst loss imaginable, or the most euphoric feeling ever, I must recognize that I'm in it but it will eventually lead into something else... so I will continue to learn the hell out of every moment I can. The ones I can remember anyway... especially on late Sunday evenings...
And so it goes...
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Situation Situation
So remember that segment in Pulp Fiction ... The Bonnie Situation? Remember Jimmie and Jules and The Wolf making a big deal about when Bonnie comes home from work she'll freak when she finds the stuff that Vincent and Jules brought into Jimmie's garage? From that moment on, I loved the idea of things being a 'situation'. I found it hilarious because in the back of my mind, when I heard that phrase, I saw Jimmie and his cup of gourmet coffee... Loved it.
Then came Jersey Shore........... and with it, this character of a person calling himself The Situation. Now it's all ruined, completely destroyed the awesome idea of a situation. Now when I hear someone say something is a situation, I no longer see Jimmie and his gourmet coffee - I see a rather irritating guy who continues to lift his shirt up to expose his time at the gym. But what's worse than that, is that he is actually making money from it. I mean personally, if I were to pay to see something, I would so much rather see Quentin Tarentino standing in a kitchen with a cup of coffee then a guy who has no problem sleeping with girls he barely knows, bragging about it, doing it on a TV show... and then financially prospering from it.
I used to like the phrase 'it's a situation' before... now it has a totally different meaning and I'm kinda annoyed about it.
And so it goes...
Then came Jersey Shore........... and with it, this character of a person calling himself The Situation. Now it's all ruined, completely destroyed the awesome idea of a situation. Now when I hear someone say something is a situation, I no longer see Jimmie and his gourmet coffee - I see a rather irritating guy who continues to lift his shirt up to expose his time at the gym. But what's worse than that, is that he is actually making money from it. I mean personally, if I were to pay to see something, I would so much rather see Quentin Tarentino standing in a kitchen with a cup of coffee then a guy who has no problem sleeping with girls he barely knows, bragging about it, doing it on a TV show... and then financially prospering from it.
I used to like the phrase 'it's a situation' before... now it has a totally different meaning and I'm kinda annoyed about it.
And so it goes...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Changing of the Leaves
It has been said that change is the only constant. Change is inevitable. Nothing ever stays the same. Now, I'm not a math or physics theorist but I believe, as many of us do I'm sure, that there are things that change and there are things that stay the same.
One of the greatest things about change is that it comes in many forms. Small, minute, large, grand, personal, professional, public, private, physical, mental, emotional.... on and on. Taste in music, taste in foods, hair style, hair color, jobs, relationships... what a whirlwind! In order for us to know a change has occurred, we need to acknowledge it. Sometimes not right away because it takes time for us to realize a change has indeed taken place. Kind of like the temperature of a room... you were freezing and then all of a sudden you realize you aren't cold anymore. Then there are the changes that are so apparent it's like getting hit with a brick, it was so obvious. You're driving down the street and you look to the left and realize the building that was there yesterday is gone today. Quite a change ...
We sometimes will ourselves to change, like being less negative, more positive minded. And sometimes we, all of a sudden, wake up one day and realize, wow, I don't like heat and humidity anymore. I used to, but don't now. In both of these situations though, was this change part of something always within us but was just buried beneath the surface of influence and environmental situations? Or was this change something that was indeed different from what or who we innately were before?
When the changes happen within ourselves, are we the first to realize it? Or does it take someone else to point it out to us? Both, I would hope. But then it's funny, because others have gotten so used to the way you were before that this change perceived by them is not always welcomed right away. "He's different..." - "She's not the same person..." As with almost all things in life, sometimes change is a good thing and sometimes change is a not so good thing. But whichever may be true to you or to the person viewing you, one thing you can count on is that some other change will most certainly happen again.
"That's how the Earth spins..." - "That's what you are made of..." These are descriptions of things that will ultimately stay the same. Again, maybe good and maybe not so good, but true nonetheless. There is something reassuring about knowing you can count on something - that things will be there when you want them to be. The people who you trust (while they are still with us)... your inner gut feeling... your senses... the sun rising and setting... We become very used to these situations, almost to the point of taking them for granted. But I believe that is a mistake on our parts - for just because something does not change should not give us the right to assume it never will change. Because doesn't everything change at some point in time? Maybe not in 'our' time, but still in 'a' time?
Most likely we have all stated mantras similar these... "I wish for strength to change the things I can change and the strength and serenity to accept the things which I cannot change"... "Don't waste your energy on things you cannot change and focus yourself instead on things in which you can change". The sun has risen every day of our lives, but we should not expect it to tomorrow because we selfishly want a nice warm sunny day. Instead of hoping for sunshine, we should appreciate being alive on this planet during the time of the sun. For the sun will rise but sometimes the clouds will roll through... clouds will form on days in which we want them to and on days in which we don't. Changing the way we perceive the things that don't change is a way of respecting all things, including ourselves.
The leaves changing colors in the fall is something that will consistently happen every year... that change will never change. At least we hope it doesn't in our time ... Happy Autumn!
And so it goes...
One of the greatest things about change is that it comes in many forms. Small, minute, large, grand, personal, professional, public, private, physical, mental, emotional.... on and on. Taste in music, taste in foods, hair style, hair color, jobs, relationships... what a whirlwind! In order for us to know a change has occurred, we need to acknowledge it. Sometimes not right away because it takes time for us to realize a change has indeed taken place. Kind of like the temperature of a room... you were freezing and then all of a sudden you realize you aren't cold anymore. Then there are the changes that are so apparent it's like getting hit with a brick, it was so obvious. You're driving down the street and you look to the left and realize the building that was there yesterday is gone today. Quite a change ...
We sometimes will ourselves to change, like being less negative, more positive minded. And sometimes we, all of a sudden, wake up one day and realize, wow, I don't like heat and humidity anymore. I used to, but don't now. In both of these situations though, was this change part of something always within us but was just buried beneath the surface of influence and environmental situations? Or was this change something that was indeed different from what or who we innately were before?
When the changes happen within ourselves, are we the first to realize it? Or does it take someone else to point it out to us? Both, I would hope. But then it's funny, because others have gotten so used to the way you were before that this change perceived by them is not always welcomed right away. "He's different..." - "She's not the same person..." As with almost all things in life, sometimes change is a good thing and sometimes change is a not so good thing. But whichever may be true to you or to the person viewing you, one thing you can count on is that some other change will most certainly happen again.
"That's how the Earth spins..." - "That's what you are made of..." These are descriptions of things that will ultimately stay the same. Again, maybe good and maybe not so good, but true nonetheless. There is something reassuring about knowing you can count on something - that things will be there when you want them to be. The people who you trust (while they are still with us)... your inner gut feeling... your senses... the sun rising and setting... We become very used to these situations, almost to the point of taking them for granted. But I believe that is a mistake on our parts - for just because something does not change should not give us the right to assume it never will change. Because doesn't everything change at some point in time? Maybe not in 'our' time, but still in 'a' time?
Most likely we have all stated mantras similar these... "I wish for strength to change the things I can change and the strength and serenity to accept the things which I cannot change"... "Don't waste your energy on things you cannot change and focus yourself instead on things in which you can change". The sun has risen every day of our lives, but we should not expect it to tomorrow because we selfishly want a nice warm sunny day. Instead of hoping for sunshine, we should appreciate being alive on this planet during the time of the sun. For the sun will rise but sometimes the clouds will roll through... clouds will form on days in which we want them to and on days in which we don't. Changing the way we perceive the things that don't change is a way of respecting all things, including ourselves.
The leaves changing colors in the fall is something that will consistently happen every year... that change will never change. At least we hope it doesn't in our time ... Happy Autumn!
And so it goes...
Welcome...
Over the past 6 or so months, I have been through a journey of sorts... so I thought I would start writing again. I used to do this quite a bit but then stopped. I guess you can't force these things. I don't really expect anyone to read these posts, but for me I would rather put them up where people could read them if they wanted to - rather than just writing for myself. I have gained much insight by reading other people's thoughts.... Not always good insight, but insight all the same.
So from time to time I will come on here. Hopefully in good grammar and state of mind, but no promises. Besides, what fun would that be? I will hopefully write some stuff worth reading and then just as hopefully I will write the most useless stuff worth reading... but you know, that's how it goes...
As for the name of the site, I was sick of people complaing about clouds and rain and the days of the week. I enjoy Mondays... I believe clouds are beautiful... and have come to appreciate rain more than I ever thought possible. So I have decided to pay them all tribute. I hope they don't mind...
So from time to time I will come on here. Hopefully in good grammar and state of mind, but no promises. Besides, what fun would that be? I will hopefully write some stuff worth reading and then just as hopefully I will write the most useless stuff worth reading... but you know, that's how it goes...
As for the name of the site, I was sick of people complaing about clouds and rain and the days of the week. I enjoy Mondays... I believe clouds are beautiful... and have come to appreciate rain more than I ever thought possible. So I have decided to pay them all tribute. I hope they don't mind...
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